New Friends in New Places
Alli and her two minxes in their new home
When I was given the ‘go ahead’ to write a guest blog on Tizzie’s site I had to stop and really think about what topic I was going to address. I mean, I’m not an expert on sleeping, feeding and all things baby. But there was something else that can be equally as challenging (that both Tizzie and I have experienced) and that’s picking up sticks and moving all the way across the world.
I moved back to Oz in September, 2010 after living overseas for 10 years. Some of you may feel that having already lived here before I was one up in the relocation stakes but I have to say that although I could drive places without a map, pretty much everything else was new. Plus, I had left a singleton and returned a mother of two, so was completely unaware of resources for parents in Australia. To give you an idea of how much had changed I left for OS with a Discman and a film camera; coming back my camera had gone digital and I had acquired an ipod!
The first word that comes to mind when relocating is challenging, the second is isolating. Although I had friends when I left they had now scattered to the four corners of Melbourne and life had moved on. Dinner was now fish fingers at 5pm and drinks were those found in a sippy cup. I needed to make new friends but had missed mothers’ groups and there’s not really time to strike up a conversation when doing drop-off at the childcare centre.
I decided the first thing I would do was be ballsy. My desire to make friends outweighed the embarrassment of approaching mums and I became a master at starting up conversations on the tram, in supermarkets and at immunisation sessions (you can talk about their/your kids – the ultimate ice breaker!). If someone seemed nice I would let them know I was new in town and would they mind catching up for coffee sometime?
I also enrolled my daughter in activities and classes and made it a mission to meet mums while my daughter sang and danced. Playgroups were also fab for getting that initial contact.
Lastly, I asked my daughter who she played with at nursery and left messages for their mums to bring their daughter’s around for a playdate. Even if I didn’t manage to make any lifelong friends out of it, my daughter did, and this was of equal importance to me.
So, how did I go? Well, I’ve managed to develop one friendship and have learnt loads about meeting people that may be helpful to you in your travels.
- It will take a hell of a lot longer to form a friendship later in life as you just don’t have the time to put in you used to – and you have kids distracting you both all of the time!
- Everyone is busy and although people may have the best of intentions, you will get let down a lot. Don’t take it personally.
- Take the lead! If you sit back and wait for the phone to ring there is every chance you will have lonely days.
- Develop a hobby or interest so you have something to do with your spare time if no one’s calling that day.
- Remember it won’t happen overnight. Look at me. I’m from Melbourne and have been back four months now and still feel like I’m not settled. I expect it will take a year.
I hope this helps with your relocation and if you’re moving to Melbourne and need a friend, look me up!
Cheers, Alli x
Alli Price is founder of Motivating Mum, a website and events service offering support and advice to mums in business, or those wanting to be. Now in the UK and Australia, she also consults with businesses wanting to franchise, distribute or relocate from one of these countries to the other. www.motivatingmum.com
Top Christmas time survivial Tips!
I noticed of few of you voicing concerns about how to cope with Christmas time festivities as well as manage and maintain your children’s routine. So I thought it was a great opportunity to share my tips with you regarding this.
While routine is very important for children, Christmas is also an important time to share with family and friends. Your baby may get a little off routine on Christmas day but try not to worry, it is really only one or two days in the big scheme of things.
I do have a couple of tips that can make Christmas day a little easier for you.
1. If you are going to be out all day on Christmas Day or another days try and take your baby’s portacot and bedding as your baby will sleep better in that than in a buggy or pram.
2. Avoid placing your baby in an unsafe place to sleep, such as a double bed where your baby could fall off or pets or other children in the house could reach your baby.
3. If you plan to take your baby’s portacot and they have never slept in the cot before please use the cot at home in the 2 days leading up to Christmas Day.
4. Take familiar bedding and toys with you on the day especially your baby’s Safe sleeping bag, Doublewrap and comforter.
5. Make sure you offer familiar food for your baby and stick as closely to routine feeding times as you can.
Christmas time is such a special time of the year for families and often is one of the only times that many families are all together in one spot. These relatives and friends may not get to see your precious babies often so a couple of shorter sleeps and more cuddles and stimulation during awake time won’t hurt. You can try and encourage your family and friends to play with your baby during awake times and you can gently explain the self settling and explain that your baby will be much happier and more accepting of the extra attention and cuddles if he/she has a good sleep.
My main tip – please try to relax and enjoy this special time of the year with your family and friends.
Le gach dea-ghui, Tizzie
Meet Tizzie Hall, International Baby Expert By Penny Johnston (Penny Johnston is the presenter of Babytalk)
Some people just have a knack with babies. Tizzie Hall is one of those people that just loves babies and they love her back (it seems they just adore someone who knows what they’re doing!) She’s worked with hundreds of families around the world helping babies get to sleep and their parents get their lives back together. Tizzie’s personal story is remarkable and if you’re a new parent she’s on a mission to save your sleep!
Advice, books, routines and interfering family can be too much for many new parents however if you can get your head around it they can all be life savers especially if your baby seems to know more about parenting than you do. If you think you need some parenting advice you will definitely want to meet Tizzie Hall, international baby expert. Tizzie has worked with families around the world helping them make sense of their baby and giving them the skills needed to care for a newborn. Tizzie Hall probably wouldn’t have been interested in babies if her family hadn’t been rocked by a tragedy. Her yearning for a baby brother or sister led her to a career spent caring for children before she had her own two lovely boys.
Tizzie’s career has been spent educating those of us who haven’t grown up around babies about how to care for them. Part big sister, part professor of pediatrics and part confident bossy mum Tizzie has written the books ‘Save our Sleep’ and ‘Save our Sleep Toddlers’ she is passionate about giving babies the very best start in life and unfailing in her support of child safety and parental education.
Mother of two beautiful boys, Tizzie now finds herself in charge of a business dedicated to babies “Save our Sleep” She says quite simply “Our aim is to give parents the confidence to raise happy and contented babies and children.”
This week on Babytalk, meet Tizzie Hall an International Baby-whisperer and discover what she thinks are the most common problems new parents face when they’re finally left home alone with their brand new baby.
Listen to Tizzie and Penny here http://www.abc.net.au/local/stories/2010/12/10/3090191.htm?site=melbourneµsite=babytalk§ion=latest&date
What is a safe sleeping bag?
Your baby or toddler might be alone in their sleeping bag for up to 12 hours at night so it needs to be as safe as possible. So I am putting this Blog up to help you choose a safe sleeping bag for your baby or toddler.
In the years of working with sleeping bags I’ve seen zips and poppers that come off, necks and arm holes that are too big (allowing babies to fall into them and climb out), sleeping bags with Velcro on them (allowing them to become attached to mattresses) — these are just a few unsafe examples. I have experienced none of these problems with the safe sleeping bags I currently recommend.
Tips:
· Never use a baby sleeping bag made from a stretch material such as jersey.
· Never use a baby sleeping bag with a zip down the side.
· Never use a sleeping bag with poppers or buttons on the shoulders.
· Never tuck the sleeping bag in under the cot mattress.
· Before using a sleeping bag make sure it has fitted neck and arm holes and check that your toddler cannot not slip into the bag.
· Make sure the sleeping bag has a front zips that zips downwards to close.
There a few reasons why a baby sleeping bag should always have a zip down the front, one is it helps parents and careers remember to put the baby on their back to sleep safely. If a career is putting a baby to bed lets say for example a grandmother rocks a baby to sleep and then tried to pop the baby to bed in a front Zip sleeping baby research shows she she will put the baby on its back but if the zip is at the side the grand mother might put the baby on its tummy and then zip the sleeping bag up.
With a side zip parents and careers often forget to zip the sleeping bag up fully and then the neck is too big and the baby can slip inside the sleeping bag if the sleeping bag zips down or is a double ended zip this is not going to be a risk.
Why no shoulder poppers also know as press studs? This is because they can pop open or be left open again resulting in the baby slipping into the sleeping bag.
Side zips and older toddlers parents and careers often open the bottom of the zip so the child can walk and this can result in the child tripping and falling which is dangerous and opening the sleeping bag can also make it a risk if around open fires.
Why no stretch material such as jersey? This is because at first or after some use the neck can stretch and the baby can slip into the sleeping bag but some babies and toddler climb out of the neck as well and this means they are in the cot with a quilt like loose peace of bedding and this is unsafe.
Mummies should support each other!
Today’s Australian morning shows have been flooded with comments and debate about a recent article in a UK Parenting magazine. In the UK the National newspapers including The Daily Mail, The Telegraph and The Observer are all writing about it and on both sides of the world online communities including various parenting websites and a facebook page are all full of comments about this article…..BUT WHY? Kathryn Blundell wrote her article talking honestly and frankly about why she decided not to breastfeed her children. I think it’s great that Kathryn felt comfortable talking to her readers so honestly and I am disappointed other mothers have felt the right to attack her personal views.
As with many articles and opinions on formula feeding this has turned into a debate on ‘Breastfeeding V’s Formula Feeding’ when really we should be supporting one another as Mummies.
While I 100% support and encourage all my clients, readers and friends to breastfeed if possible I do also support Mummies who for various reasons choose not to. Kathryn Blundell wrote describing her own feelings about using her breasts for feeding: “They’re part of my sexuality, too – not just breasts, but fun bags. And when you have that attitude (and I admit I made no attempt to change it), seeing your teeny, tiny, innocent baby latching on where only a lover has been before feels, well, a little creepy.” While I feel the use of the word ‘creepy’ is probably not the right word to have described her feelings, there are quite a few women that feel like this and are feeling alienated because of it. Not every mummy has the urge to breastfeed and that doesn’t make them less of a mummy.
I have received a few emails applauding Kathryn Blundell’s point of view all saying how it has made them feel ‘normal’ and less of a ‘failure’ for not managing or choosing to breastfeed – a situation which is incredibly common. What I think we need to remember here is Kathryn Blundell wasn’t encouraging other women to think or act like her, she was simply sharing her personal experience and reaching out to other mummies who might have made similar choices to let them know they not alone.
There are so many different reasons why a mummy may choose to breastfeed or formula-feed and what we need to do is support each other not bully or force our personal opinions on one another. For many woman and babies breastfeeding simply does not work, this may be because of a medical condition, medications they are taking, a complicated birth, a premature baby, a mother, father or partner who doesn’t feel comfortable with breastfeeding to name a few. These mummies should be supported in their choice and should not have to justify their decision to anyone not even herself. If as women we were more supportive of each other and each others choices I honestly believe the world would be a much better place.
Being a new mother can be stressful enough without the added pressure of “You need to breastfeed your baby”, “You are not just making this choice for yourself you are making it on behalf of your baby”, “If you breastfeed your daughter her risks of cancer will be lower” The majority of us know these things and we all know that on the health front breastfeeding has been proven to be best for us and our babies. However, we have also all heard a ‘Happy Mummy’ equals a ‘ Happy Baby’ so is that not the most important thing?
Breastfeeding parents can never be supported enough, especially in some other countries with very poor breastfeeding rates. While I have found breastfeeding to be accepted and supported in Australia (in the majority of cases) in other countries this is not always the case. Recently while on a ferry going from Holyhead to Dublin and sitting in the common area I was asked to stop breastfeeding Cillian and take him to the ‘toilet’ to complete his feed. I was totally and utterly shocked at this comment, how could I mind a toddler, control my seasickness, and feed my baby in a dark toilet cubical?
However the same can be said for formula feeding parents. We need to also support these parents and not pass judgment on them for the choice they have made. We often have no idea of a mummy or baby’s background and why they are formula feeding. I believe this was the message Kathryn Blundell was tying to convey and I commend her for having the guts to write this article.
I look forward to hearing your comments.
A letter from Clare Byam-Cook!
Hi Clients readers and friends:
I just received a lovely letter from Clare Byam-Cook which I would like to share with you. For those of you who do not know who Clare is here is a little about her.
Clare Byam-Cook, is a qualified nurse and midwife, but retired from practicing as midwife in 1985. In 1988 she joined Christine Hill, teaching at her private ante-natal classes in London, and for the last 25 years she has specialised in helping mothers resolve feeding problems.
Clare is firmly committed to helping mother’s breastfeed but she does not have rose-coloured glasses! Although breastfeeding is ‘natural’, she believes that it is still a skill that has to be learned and feels that many mothers fail to establish breastfeeding simply because they receive inappropriate or inaccurate advice. Her advice differs from many midwives and lactation consultants because she concentrates on giving advice that she knows will work, rather than following the latest trends and textbook theories.
Over the years she has built up a huge practice, with all clients coming either by word-of-mouth or by doctor or hospital referral. She does not advertise or give out contact details. She was encouraged by her clients to write a book so that more mothers would have access to her advice. She subsequently published What to Expect When You’re Breastfeeding…And What If You Can’t? Followed in 2003 by the visual guide available on DVD, Breastfeeding Without Tears.
For more information on Clare’s books please visit Ebury Publishing
Here is the lovely letter from Clare:
Hi Tizzie,
I am sorry it has taken me so long to e-mail you following our meeting. It was lovely to meet you (and your perfectly behaved son!).
Thank you for sending me your book, which I have only just managed to look at this weekend. I have only got to page 10 but already I think it is the best book ever and I will certainly recommend it to all my mothers. Everything you say makes such sense – no wonder it is a bestseller! I will certainly read it from cover to cover as, even at the age of 55 and having spent the last 25 years helping mothers feed and settle their babies, I know I can learn a lot more from your expertise.
With all the recent fuss over Penelope Leach’s new book, I wish that you had got an equal amount of publicity to explain the damage that is done to both mothers and babies when they are all sleep deprived. Of course, we all agree that babies should not be left to cry for hours on end but I think it is such a shame that Penelope’s views are being interpreted as saying that a baby should never be left to cry, even for five minutes. There is clearly a big difference between a baby who is crying for a reason and a baby who is crying because he needs to go to sleep, but cannot settle himself.
Whenever controlled crying is discussed, it is so often misinterpreted as meaning that the baby should be left to cry for hours on end with no end goal in sight, the implication being that the baby eventually stops crying only because he has learnt that his mother doesn’t love him and is ignoring his distress, rather than realising that he stops crying because he quickly learns to settle himself and get a better night’s sleep. It is also a shame that people like Penelope Leach imply that any book that recommends a routine for a baby is putting the mother’s needs before that of her baby, whereas in fact it is completely the opposite – books such as yours teach mothers that to bring up a baby happily and correctly, they need to put the baby first and make sure that he is having his feed and sleep times when he needs it rather than when it suits the mother.
Luckily many mothers realise that books like yours are absolutely brilliant and good news spreads fast.
Kind regards,
Clare
PS I would be happy for you to put any or all of this e-mail up on your website
15 TOG for us 2.5 TOG for Baby!!
Darragh has a bit of gastro which isn’t too much fun in a campervan. He vomited on our bed and we had to change the duvet and while doing so we noticed the duvet is 15 tog, Nathan said “wow that’s amazing the two of us are sleeping and keeping each other warm under a 15 tog duvet and according to some bedding guides babies who are colder than us need to sleep in a 2.5 tog sleeping bag and no bedding. No wonder they don’t sleep.” This got me thinking about what Cillian sleeps in he is in a bodysuit, a babygro, a 2.5 tog Bubarroo sleeping bag, a doublewrap a sheet folded in two and 12 cotton and bamboo blankets and the campervan is 20 degrees. If a cellular cotton blanket is roughly 1 tog then he has roughly 14.5 tog on him including the sleeping bag so that’s not that different to what we are in and there are two of us warming the bed up.
PS. HAPPY EASTER ALL!!!
WAY TO GO OLLIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hi all:
We are having a ball we are in Bridgend Wales with Donna a friend of mine from uni days. Donna has Poppy 6months older than Darragh and Ollie 5 months older than Cillian.
Poor Donna and Ollie have not had a a full nights sleep in 6 months since Ollie started sleeping in night time sleep cycles and also the nights got colder. I am so cross Donna was following the bedding guide in a well know baby store catalogue, a store are parents used so she thought the advice was good advice and they said it was the FIDS advice, well Ollie was sleeping on his tummy and waking during the night. Well I went out yesterday and bought Ollie all cotton bedding and put him in Cillians sleeping bag and guess what he slept over 13 hours!! So so Sad all the poor freezing babies out there and he also stayed on his back all night WAY TO GO OLLIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Le gach dea-ghui, Tizzie
Channel 10 News report
Channel 10 news report
Hi All, here is the interview from Channel 10 Brisbane News regarding my advice around keeping babies warm enough in bed. When you watch the link please be aware that I actually made it clear that I agree with everything SIDS say about over heating being a factor in SIDS but 90% of my interview has been edited out. My …aim was to point out to parents that if their babies are also not warm enough in bed my research has shown they will roll to their tummies and this of course is a big risk factor for SIDS.
