Mummies should support each other!
Today’s Australian morning shows have been flooded with comments and debate about a recent article in a UK Parenting magazine. In the UK the National newspapers including The Daily Mail, The Telegraph and The Observer are all writing about it and on both sides of the world online communities including various parenting websites and a facebook page are all full of comments about this article…..BUT WHY? Kathryn Blundell wrote her article talking honestly and frankly about why she decided not to breastfeed her children. I think it’s great that Kathryn felt comfortable talking to her readers so honestly and I am disappointed other mothers have felt the right to attack her personal views.
As with many articles and opinions on formula feeding this has turned into a debate on ‘Breastfeeding V’s Formula Feeding’ when really we should be supporting one another as Mummies.
While I 100% support and encourage all my clients, readers and friends to breastfeed if possible I do also support Mummies who for various reasons choose not to. Kathryn Blundell wrote describing her own feelings about using her breasts for feeding: “They’re part of my sexuality, too – not just breasts, but fun bags. And when you have that attitude (and I admit I made no attempt to change it), seeing your teeny, tiny, innocent baby latching on where only a lover has been before feels, well, a little creepy.” While I feel the use of the word ‘creepy’ is probably not the right word to have described her feelings, there are quite a few women that feel like this and are feeling alienated because of it. Not every mummy has the urge to breastfeed and that doesn’t make them less of a mummy.
I have received a few emails applauding Kathryn Blundell’s point of view all saying how it has made them feel ‘normal’ and less of a ‘failure’ for not managing or choosing to breastfeed – a situation which is incredibly common. What I think we need to remember here is Kathryn Blundell wasn’t encouraging other women to think or act like her, she was simply sharing her personal experience and reaching out to other mummies who might have made similar choices to let them know they not alone.
There are so many different reasons why a mummy may choose to breastfeed or formula-feed and what we need to do is support each other not bully or force our personal opinions on one another. For many woman and babies breastfeeding simply does not work, this may be because of a medical condition, medications they are taking, a complicated birth, a premature baby, a mother, father or partner who doesn’t feel comfortable with breastfeeding to name a few. These mummies should be supported in their choice and should not have to justify their decision to anyone not even herself. If as women we were more supportive of each other and each others choices I honestly believe the world would be a much better place.
Being a new mother can be stressful enough without the added pressure of “You need to breastfeed your baby”, “You are not just making this choice for yourself you are making it on behalf of your baby”, “If you breastfeed your daughter her risks of cancer will be lower” The majority of us know these things and we all know that on the health front breastfeeding has been proven to be best for us and our babies. However, we have also all heard a ‘Happy Mummy’ equals a ‘ Happy Baby’ so is that not the most important thing?
Breastfeeding parents can never be supported enough, especially in some other countries with very poor breastfeeding rates. While I have found breastfeeding to be accepted and supported in Australia (in the majority of cases) in other countries this is not always the case. Recently while on a ferry going from Holyhead to Dublin and sitting in the common area I was asked to stop breastfeeding Cillian and take him to the ‘toilet’ to complete his feed. I was totally and utterly shocked at this comment, how could I mind a toddler, control my seasickness, and feed my baby in a dark toilet cubical?
However the same can be said for formula feeding parents. We need to also support these parents and not pass judgment on them for the choice they have made. We often have no idea of a mummy or baby’s background and why they are formula feeding. I believe this was the message Kathryn Blundell was tying to convey and I commend her for having the guts to write this article.
I look forward to hearing your comments.
A letter from Clare Byam-Cook!
Hi Clients readers and friends:
I just received a lovely letter from Clare Byam-Cook which I would like to share with you. For those of you who do not know who Clare is here is a little about her.
Clare Byam-Cook, is a qualified nurse and midwife, but retired from practicing as midwife in 1985. In 1988 she joined Christine Hill, teaching at her private ante-natal classes in London, and for the last 25 years she has specialised in helping mothers resolve feeding problems.
Clare is firmly committed to helping mother’s breastfeed but she does not have rose-coloured glasses! Although breastfeeding is ‘natural’, she believes that it is still a skill that has to be learned and feels that many mothers fail to establish breastfeeding simply because they receive inappropriate or inaccurate advice. Her advice differs from many midwives and lactation consultants because she concentrates on giving advice that she knows will work, rather than following the latest trends and textbook theories.
Over the years she has built up a huge practice, with all clients coming either by word-of-mouth or by doctor or hospital referral. She does not advertise or give out contact details. She was encouraged by her clients to write a book so that more mothers would have access to her advice. She subsequently published What to Expect When You’re Breastfeeding…And What If You Can’t? Followed in 2003 by the visual guide available on DVD, Breastfeeding Without Tears.
For more information on Clare’s books please visit Ebury Publishing
Here is the lovely letter from Clare:
Hi Tizzie,
I am sorry it has taken me so long to e-mail you following our meeting. It was lovely to meet you (and your perfectly behaved son!).
Thank you for sending me your book, which I have only just managed to look at this weekend. I have only got to page 10 but already I think it is the best book ever and I will certainly recommend it to all my mothers. Everything you say makes such sense – no wonder it is a bestseller! I will certainly read it from cover to cover as, even at the age of 55 and having spent the last 25 years helping mothers feed and settle their babies, I know I can learn a lot more from your expertise.
With all the recent fuss over Penelope Leach’s new book, I wish that you had got an equal amount of publicity to explain the damage that is done to both mothers and babies when they are all sleep deprived. Of course, we all agree that babies should not be left to cry for hours on end but I think it is such a shame that Penelope’s views are being interpreted as saying that a baby should never be left to cry, even for five minutes. There is clearly a big difference between a baby who is crying for a reason and a baby who is crying because he needs to go to sleep, but cannot settle himself.
Whenever controlled crying is discussed, it is so often misinterpreted as meaning that the baby should be left to cry for hours on end with no end goal in sight, the implication being that the baby eventually stops crying only because he has learnt that his mother doesn’t love him and is ignoring his distress, rather than realising that he stops crying because he quickly learns to settle himself and get a better night’s sleep. It is also a shame that people like Penelope Leach imply that any book that recommends a routine for a baby is putting the mother’s needs before that of her baby, whereas in fact it is completely the opposite – books such as yours teach mothers that to bring up a baby happily and correctly, they need to put the baby first and make sure that he is having his feed and sleep times when he needs it rather than when it suits the mother.
Luckily many mothers realise that books like yours are absolutely brilliant and good news spreads fast.
Kind regards,
Clare
PS I would be happy for you to put any or all of this e-mail up on your website
15 TOG for us 2.5 TOG for Baby!!
Darragh has a bit of gastro which isn’t too much fun in a campervan. He vomited on our bed and we had to change the duvet and while doing so we noticed the duvet is 15 tog, Nathan said “wow that’s amazing the two of us are sleeping and keeping each other warm under a 15 tog duvet and according to some bedding guides babies who are colder than us need to sleep in a 2.5 tog sleeping bag and no bedding. No wonder they don’t sleep.” This got me thinking about what Cillian sleeps in he is in a bodysuit, a babygro, a 2.5 tog Bubarroo sleeping bag, a doublewrap a sheet folded in two and 12 cotton and bamboo blankets and the campervan is 20 degrees. If a cellular cotton blanket is roughly 1 tog then he has roughly 14.5 tog on him including the sleeping bag so that’s not that different to what we are in and there are two of us warming the bed up.
PS. HAPPY EASTER ALL!!!
WAY TO GO OLLIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hi all:
We are having a ball we are in Bridgend Wales with Donna a friend of mine from uni days. Donna has Poppy 6months older than Darragh and Ollie 5 months older than Cillian.
Poor Donna and Ollie have not had a a full nights sleep in 6 months since Ollie started sleeping in night time sleep cycles and also the nights got colder. I am so cross Donna was following the bedding guide in a well know baby store catalogue, a store are parents used so she thought the advice was good advice and they said it was the FIDS advice, well Ollie was sleeping on his tummy and waking during the night. Well I went out yesterday and bought Ollie all cotton bedding and put him in Cillians sleeping bag and guess what he slept over 13 hours!! So so Sad all the poor freezing babies out there and he also stayed on his back all night WAY TO GO OLLIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Le gach dea-ghui, Tizzie
Channel 10 News report
Channel 10 news report
Hi All, here is the interview from Channel 10 Brisbane News regarding my advice around keeping babies warm enough in bed. When you watch the link please be aware that I actually made it clear that I agree with everything SIDS say about over heating being a factor in SIDS but 90% of my interview has been edited out. My …aim was to point out to parents that if their babies are also not warm enough in bed my research has shown they will roll to their tummies and this of course is a big risk factor for SIDS.
